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About Sunny

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  1. Hey Dino! Benzo withdrawal? That sounds like fun. Probably as much fun as getting hit in the face with a stick, repeatedly. Hang in there! One day at a time. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hopefully adjusting your meds helps you in the long run. Let me know how you go. I still don't know what the hell is going on with the job situation. I told job no.1 and job no.2 that I got job no.3 and couldn't work for them anymore. Now job no.1 and job no.2 want to make me an offer to lure me back. So I have an appointment with job no.1 on Friday so they can make me a counter offer. I know heaps of people would kill for this situation, but it's bloody stressful. So now I have to wait a week to see what they offer and then consider my options. Arghh! Stress! Be well Sunny
  2. Hey all! It's been awhile. Hope everyone is okay. I've been struggling a bit lately. I didn't think that I was, but I feel my friend agoraphobia creeping its way back into my life again. When I look back, I suppose I have been stressed lately. I got a new job (to go with my casual job I already have, but it's only July-Oct)back in October. The guy was an absolute wanker. He was a control freak. He re-arranged my desk 4 times one day, while I was sitting at it! I called in sick one day and he called me at lunch and said he needed me to come in, and I get there and all he wants is for me to forward an email. WTF? So I quit in December. Then I started another job on 1st february which was supposed to be 2 days a week. I LOVE it. But I've worked 5 hours in 3 weeks. It is not paying the bills. So another 24 job applications later I got another job I start tomorrow. I'm pretty nervous. It's at an accountants (which is what I do, accountants assistant)but it's really really quiet there and the boss is a bit snooty. And I'm not quiet or snooty. But maybe it will be a good thing. The money is really good and maybe the quiet will be good for me. There's only 2 other people there so maybe it will help me. I'm kinda used to chaotic and fast paced when I work, so maybe this will be good. There's a nice coffee shop next door and a small grocery shop so I can pick things up before I leave for home. They'll just have to get used to loud and annoying sunny. LOL. It was my sons 18th birthday on thursday and I had to pick him up from work. I don't travel well. I'm okay when I'm on my own, but when I'm with people I feel trapped and I panic and I want to jump out of the car. So I go to pick him up and because he's a carpenter he works on new estates I got lost,so I started to panic, then I found him but got lost again on the way out. Then I got caught in traffic. The whole way home, I'm absolutely crapping myself and all I'm thinking is - Don't have a breakdown on his birthday. Don't loose your marbles and embarrass him. I don't think he noticed. Then we went out for dinner, five minutes away and I was panicked all the way there and all the way back. Again, I don't think anyone noticed. Then I went to the shop to buy easter eggs on Saturday. BAD IDEA. The place was super crowded. I had to leave my shopping half way through and hide in the ladies for 20 minutes to calm down, but I made myself finish. So, there you have it. Although I don't think I've been stressed, I must have been. My anxiety is starting back up. The job hunting, the bills piling up, normal life stuff must have been stressing me out. I know nobody has noticed. I guess that's a good thing. I know I can stop this from getting back to where I was. I've done it before and I can do it again. I just hate it. I hate that these old feelings have started to come back, these stupid fears. It's depressing. Thanks for letting me ramble on. Be well everyone Sunny
  3. Sunny

    job interview

    Dino - If I go to confession I'm gonna have to take a packed lunch, I'll be there awhile. Thanks both for the good wishes. And........... it worked! Got the job this morning! Wasn't supposed to be decided until next week, but I got up this morning, put on my lucky shirt and shazam! got the job. The powers of the mystical magic lucky shirt cannot be denied (unless of course it was Dino crossing her fingers, toes, tits and legs or possibly the chicken that was sacrificed). Job should start in a couple of weeks, so now I just gotta get in there, prove my worth, get in a groove and everything will be fine and dandy. If I think too hard about it I'll get panicky, so one day at a time. Small steps keeps everything under control. Thanks for the good mojo you were both sending my way. Sunny
  4. Sunny

    job interview

    Alright Jiminy Dino, job update - my prospective new boss called my current job to check my references. Positive sign. Yay!!! He also asked the receptionist of my current job what she thought of me - she gave me a fabulous rap - she's great, we love her, she's so dependable, always goes the extra mile etc etc. One minor detail he wasn't aware of - the receptionist is my cousin. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Not an unfair advantage - I didn't put her down as a reference, he just happened to ask her while they were on the phone. Not my fault she's family. HAHAHAHAHA Soooo, it seems I'm at least on the short list. I want this job because it's casual and it's just five minutes away, and I can work it around my current casual job which is 45 minutes away and doesn't give me a steady income. And I really like the sound of the job. But - at least I made it this far. YAY SUNNY!!!!! If I don't get this one, I'll get the next one.
  5. Sunny

    job interview

    Yay! I went for a job interview yesterday! We all know how bloody nerve wracking those things are. Dino was there with me of course, whispering in my ear. She's like jiminy cricket, only louder, with swear words. Don't talk too fast. Sit up straight. Don't fidget. Make bloody eye contact Sunny! You are not going to panic! Keep it together. Anyway, it went well. I think. I did my research, knew my shit, made them laugh. So, if I get it great, if I don't that's fine. But, I did it! And I did it well! They didn't know I was freaking out on the inside. They couldn't tell I have a panic disorder. If I can do this stuff anyone can. Be well everyone Sunny
  6. Sunny

    Living with agoraphobia

    Thanks Dino. I loved it, the poem and the song. I worked all day, picked up 17yr old from work on the way home at 5.45pm and let him drive home, he's learning to drive. I have to prepare myself all the way there and stay calm so I don't have a panic attack, if I think too much about it I wouldn't be able to do it. Then, get home, have dinner, have a shower, take a load of washing off the line, hang a load of washing up, feed dog, wash dishes, make lunches for tomorrow. Now I'm having a break, but I still have to fold a whole load of washing and for some reason the machine seems to have spat fluff all over it. Ughhhh! And it's 9.30! But I still have a smile on my face because even if I'm stressed and if I do slip and have a setback I know you'll understand. Thanks for the end of day pick-me-up. Be well Sunny
  7. Sunny

    Forum post's

    LMAO Dino! There is no way that's a cat. It's a fluffy puppy with weirdo purple eyes.
  8. Sunny

    Hello is any one there?

    Hi suzy-Q and welcome. I actually had to look up monophobia. Like Dino, I suffer from agoraphobia, but I actually cope better when I'm alone, no-one to judge or feel pressure from. I don't know where you go next, but I think you're moving in the right direction. You have a name for what you're feeling, it's no longer a scary monster with no name. You're trying to understand it more, and that's always a good thing. This is a safe place for us all to come, to share, to ask advice, to laugh, to cry. It helps. It really does. Welcome. Be well Sunny
  9. Sunny

    My success story

    YAY LLaura! I'm doing my happy dance for ya. (Picture not included because Sunny dancing is just scary) I'm proud of you. I know how hard it can be to make yourself do things, to escape the agoraphobia cloud. I actually find I can do things like that way easier if I'm on my own. If I have someone with me its so much pressure to not panic. You know what I mean? If I'm on my own and I freak out I'm only creating havoc for myself, but if I'm with someone - what will they think? how can I escape without being embarrassed, humiliated? Are they noticing I'm starting to freak? Did they just look at me weird? Keep up the good work. You know how it works. You gotta keep doing it until your mind gets bored with it, and the gym will be just another one of your 'safe places' and the exercise will be great for your agora. I find my ipod is a big help when I'm trying to do something difficult. I've got all the Dr Weeks agoraphobia talks and other motivational stuff, recordings my therapist gave me, good work out songs, relaxing songs, something for every occassion. You are officially my hero of the week! Well done. Be proud of yourself. Be well Sunny
  10. Sunny

    Forum post's

    That would be great Laura. I don't think people realize or maybe they forgot how much fun and how helpful the forum can be. Dino - that dog freaks me out! Why the hell does it have purple eyes? Why???? It's kinda scary.
  11. Sunny

    Ticked off

    Love ya right back Dino!!!! Thanks for understanding.
  12. Sunny

    Forum post's

    Yup I hear ya on this one. I remember the days when the forum was the place to go and now it seems it's largely unused. It's a real shame for those of us who know what a great place the forum can be. This is where you come when you need advice, or you need a friend, or you want to brag about something you did that you didn't think you could. Thanks to Dino and Flo for your constant contributions. Be well everyone Sunny
  13. Sunny

    Ticked off

    Sorry guys, but I feel the need to rant and before any of you say it - I know that I'm being oversensitive. Last night I was informed that my 23year old nephew had a panic attack two weeks ago and was taken to the doctor. I don't know the details but apparently he was given medication and I'm pretty sure is now recieving some sort of welfare sickness benefits. This ticks me right off. Number one - no one told me or hubby until weeks later? WTF? Did they not tell me because it's something to be ashamed of? So, as a high functioning agoraphobic with panic disorder should I be ashamed? Or they didn't tell me because although I have experience in this and may have been able to help it's different? My 'issues' are just crazy old Aunty Sunny and if it happens to someone else it's different. We wouldn't want to be tainted with the 'crazy' brush like Aunty Sunny would we? Number two - this 'kid' hasn't worked for at least 6 months and before then it was on and off. There's always some excuse for why he hasn't got a job, a licence, a car and he still lives at home. This kid has never been expected to be responsible for anything, ever. And now this is gonna be another excuse for why he doesn't have to contribute to society. I'm pissed off. I'm offended. I worked so hard to become functioning in spite of my panic disorder and now, after one panic attack my nephew is gonna play the 'I have a medical issue' card. Are you kidding me? This is not a joke! Panic is real, panic is serious. I struggle some days to function and I have to work hard at moving forward. I don't appreciate someone taking this so lightly. And I know for a fact that three days ago he was out all night on the booze. Oh yeah, that's some bad panic issues he has. He wants to be on welfare so he doesn't have to hold down a job - fine, but don't hide behind a disorder that I know is a SERIOUS issue and you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. I know I'm being judgemental and over sensitive, but I was just really offended by this whole thing. I know I don't know all the details, but this is how they operate. Just tell me to shut the hell up and be more compassionate, I probably deserve it. After all, I'm crazy what the hell would I know. LOL Be well everyone Sunny PS - Please don't take offence at the term 'crazy' you all know I don't think any of us are crazy. I'm just offended and insulted for myself and behalf of all of those with a 'legitimate' panic issue. Now I'm finished ranting.
  14. Sunny

    I am new here!!!

    Welcome Aaron. I'm what you call a high functioning agoraphobic with panic disorder. Which basically means that I have recovered enough to appear 'normal' to most, but my issues still run deep and I need support to continue with my recovery. I am a master at avoiding certain situations without people knowing. Pull up a chair and stay awhile. Be well Sunny
  15. Welcome Khadijah. There's one rule around here - don't feel bad about yourself, we understand. Oh, and don't sit in my chair I've got the bum groove in it just right. Glad you found us, hope we can help. My therapist told me once - the worst thing about our minds is that we can talk ourselves into anything. The best thing about our minds is we can talk ourselves out of anything. Oh, and that struggling with a capital S? You won't find many people around here who haven't walked that path. You're not alone. We make it through with the support and comfort we give eachother. Be well Sunny