I have been having some trouble cope for many years now. The need for companionship has always been a driving force in my adult experience, but it has increasingly taken over my life. I am fine if I am among people, such as sleeping in the same house w friends & family, spending the evening in the company of others, or general interaction (talk, phone, etc), even with strangers. When I am left alone by myself, I start to get depressed, feel anxious, and often look for any means to connect with others.
I cannot bring myself to go to the movies or eat at a restaurant alone. To eat or sleep alone in a house, I need the TV, computer, or other distraction from the intense feelings of loneliness. I recently stayed in a destructive relationship because, in between the hell, she talked to me constantly and well into the night. We even slept with the cell phones open and on the pillows next to our heads. I ignored things that it was urgent for me to do to spend time interaction with others, especially her. This has almost destroyed my life.
The feelings are always there, but times of stress make them far worse. Because of my current living situation, this has escalated to the point of suicidal ideation, and I came extremely close to admitting myself to a hospital for acute psychiatric care. I finally realized that what I was most afraid of was being without proximity or interaction with other people.
If I am having panic attacks, they are manifesting themselves in inability to sleep, compulsive and irrational (mostly harmless) feelings and behavior, uncontrollable chain-smoking and depressive thoughts.
Is this what they refer to as monophobia (aka: autophobia, isolophobia), and where do I go to get help?