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About xmascarol25

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  1. xmascarol25

    Where are the newbies?

    I do check in everyday but I don't know what to say .I am so afraid of saying something wrong or stupid.However I am here for anyone who needs to talk .I have mentioned before how much I love to help people if I can. One thing I like to mention is I am planning on going out on Christmas day to my sons house.That is a big step for me considering I am an agoraphobic, among other mental illnesses. which I do have.Thanks for listening.May all of you have a very happy holiday season.Stay safe and well.Oh yes I am feeling somewhat anxious because of a winter storm heading our way this coming Sunday, This always happens to me I get weather anxieties. Well maybe I did have something to say I just hope it didnt sound stupid,
  2. Hi everyone I just want to say I do hope that everyone has a nice holiday and that your'e anxiety free.Me I am staying home there is no way I can leave my house.I have been angry depressed and very anxious.The worst part is I feel lonely even though I had a friend visit with me.I hated to see her go.God Bless all of you.Stay safe and well.Xmas Carol
  3. xmascarol25

    Panic attack newbie

    I understand how you feel for some reason this weekend i feel so darn depressed.thinking about my late husband doesn't help any.I feel like all I want to do is sleep because the only time to get away from the depression and anxieties are when I sleep,Although there are times when I will have a really bad anxiety dream.I don't drive either haven't for years wish the doctors would just try to understand when we cannot come in because we either are to sick or just don't have a way of getting there and around here if you do not see them in a certain amount of time they won't give you your meds no matter how sick you are.Please feel free to talk to me anytime.Carol
  4. xmascarol25


    Hi I was born on Dec 25th so I usually go to my sons house if I can,Last year I couldn't go because I was so depressed all I did was cry and I don't like people seeing me cry,If I don't go I just sit here all alone in my apt watching tv .Last year the kids had to come to my place on Jan first to get there gifts,it was horrible.I felt like such an out cast in my own home,I just felt like the gifts I have were not good enough.Even my daughter laughed at one of my gifts. She didn't think I saw her but I did and I still feel bad about that. I think the only reason I go at all is because of my two grandchildren one is 6 and the other is four ...It is so hard for me to be around a lot of people.I feel so uneasy.
  5. Well for me I am planning on going to my sons house for Christmas providing everything is alright.Meaning my anxieties and depression are not bad.Last year I was all set to go and I broke completely down.Had anger spells cried so I had to stay home which meant they had to come to my apt on Jan 1 .Which by the way I didn't feel all to comfortable with that.I am wondering I am kind of scared and nervous whenever my kids do come over is that normal?Then again who is to say what is normal.. I just get very anxious and nervous whenever they are here like I am going to say or do the wrong thing ,I think part of it is because my grand kids are 4 and six. You have to be careful how you act in front of them. I mean I don't want them to see me all nervous anxious and angry.I just don't get it why should I be afraid of my own grandchildren and children?? Does anyone else fear there families coming inside there homes?Believe me they will let me know if I say something wrong they had already.It is like I am almost afraid to even talk or move. I love them so much but this fear of people including my family coming into my home is bothering me. I am more relaxed with my friend why because she never puts me down or judges me. Actually we have a good time together we will watch movies when she is able to stay or just talk. We have this thing called the name game say for instance .There is a Pete Moss or a Jim Shoe something like that. WE laugh so hard one thing I do know with this disorder you have to have some kind of sense of humor otherwise you will go crazy and I so do love to make people laugh. I also love to make things to and I give them away for Christmas.Hey nobody should have to go cold or without. My greatest joy in life is to help others. I know off topic here but still. Happy Halloween to all.Xmas Carol. yes I was born on Christmas Day. I hope everyone here can have a anxiety free holiday season but I also know that is easier said then done.. I just hope I can go to my sons for Christmas. See it isnt for two months already and I am getting anxious also I have a doctors appointment with my shrink on the 22 of November and I am already having anxieties about that why because I have to go with someone I hardly know he drives seniors around but on a van and I am so afraid of falling . I can deal with having to stay alone at the doctors which I suppose is a big step for me considering just about a year ago I needed someone with me at all times. I just am afraid they may leave me stranded. They say they won't but still.You know how it is with anticipatory anxieties.I have that all the time.
  6. As of tonight my cousin was disconnected from her life support she passed out yesterday and there is nothing more they can do for her.She was only 63 and I am so very anxious and upset about this.We were the best of friends when we were kids she was even my bridesmaid .I am at a lost I feel so awful about this because I haven't spoken to her in 12 years.Her husband had cancer and this is the second child my aunt has lost. I wish I could be with her but I can't. Why her I mean I am the one who is sick I mean mentally ill. Oh dear lord, I feel like such a failure.I already am missing her. How much more am I suppose to take it hasn't even been 3 months since my dad died now this. Her brain just wasn't functioning anymore,so why do I feel like that is my fault? I always have a nasty habit of blaming myself when someone else is feeling bad or sick .Does anyone else feel this way. I know I am not to blame.I think ,sorry I talk so much but this is so very upsetting to me I cannot believe she is gone.
  7. xmascarol25

    Panic attack newbie

    Hi and welcome I have had anxieties now for over 35 years I take klonopin it helps some but if it develops into a panic attack forget it nothing seems to help me. I so wish I could help you with your depression I am on meds for that to,they say to try vitamin d ,It seems to liven up my spirits some,to be honest there are days when I don't even want to face anyone. I cry and I have no clue as to why.I suppose part of it is because I feel like one big failure.One thing I can say it is not our fault we have this illness even though I know at times it may seem like it. I recently lost my dad two months ago and my late husband has been gone now for over 12 years and I know that is part of what causes my depression. It is so hard to get over it.May I suggest something now it always doesn't work but try to lay down when you feel bad take a deep breath think of something you really enjoy it could be something from your pasts or even now,See with me it is the beach I try to picture myself walking along the beach like early in the morning when the water is so calm it looks like glass and the sun is rising just the calmness of the ocean makes me feel relaxed.Or say you liked a amusement park think of when you use to ride on the rides ,Just anything that will make you feel happy. Gosh I wish I could get pasts this.I just do this and it may sound korny a lot of praying NOt that it will make it go away but i just feel better doing it. Visual therapy might help you some with the depression may I asks do you have anxieties as well? I am also bipolar and have a mood disorder so sometimes I tend to yell but so far for over three weeks now I have been able to control it otherwise they will evict me,Which is not right i feel like I am being discriminated against because of my mental illness. Do you ever feel that way? I hope I was able to help you some,my name is Carol and if you ever need to talk to me that is fine.. I know sometimes just talking to someone makes me feel better.
  8. xmascarol25

    Seasonal Agoraphobia

    This is only my third day i do feel somewhat better hey I even went outside and sat for about an hour and a half even though it was to cold out now last week I couldn't even do that. Here is already dark by seven.I don't mind though.Hey at least i haven't yelled for about what two and half weeks now,which for me is good. Hope you have a nice day.Thanks for letting us know about vitamin d..
  9. xmascarol25

    Seasonal Agoraphobia

    I just tried some vitamin d today cannot say one way or another that it worked but I did feel a wee bit calm unfortunately it didnt last to long...
  10. xmascarol25


    Aii I know is that I have to take meds for gerd a- acid reflex most of the time.I get bad chests pains and I can actually feel my muscles contract at times,What really does scare me is sometime I will get like a tickle in my throat then the next thing you know I cannot catch my breath and I start gagging sometimes I will throw up however most of the time it is just sorry dont mean to gross you out it is a tiny bit of mucus. Sometimes my heartburn is bad even though i have tried Tums they won't work but Gaviscon does work for me ..The chest pains can become very uncomfortable at times oh my goodness especially if the muscles do contract t feels like I got a horse sitting on top of my chest.I cannot eat when I am like that..It makes me so anxious to i know it is mostly gas but everything makes me nervous I never lay down right after I eat because that could make it worse.Sometimes I take deep short breathes and it works for about a second or two.oh ya one more thing the gerd can also give you an awful taste and cause sinus infections ,,, just thought u should know
  11. Good evening friends just wanted you to know that I am thinking about each and everyone of them.I have been sick which causes my anxieties grow into panic attacks,but what I don't get is why is it when we are sick our anxieties and panic attacks seem to become much worse.There are times when i just cannot relax no matter what I do,like all week when i try to lay down to sleep I become very restless and then I have to sit in my rocker hoping that I can doze off but no such luck.i wonder what is it about whenever we get sick our adrenaline seems to go up even more.I do have that awful restless syndrome as well .my thoughts and prayers are with each and everyone of you.i wish i could just help you all.
  12. xmascarol25

    I am freaking out and I dont know what to do

    Good morning I feel so darn shaky today well first the power goes out and you know how I feel about losing things ugh i just don't feel normal like I am in a fog a real space cadet so I will try to see if I can sit outside.No sun but that doesnt bother me any.....
  13. xmascarol25

    I am freaking out and I dont know what to do

    Hi I did contact the senior coordinator and I told him that my land lady needs to stay away from me and even my son said so,I even pointed out that she is not suppose to come into my apt asking about physical and mental issues which she is always doing, it is illegal for her to come into my apt unless something is an emergency .She is suppose to be here next Sat I will refuse to open the door for her that is my right she just makes me so nervous i think part of my anxieties is because of her.Guess what else half of her family lives here to how convient spelling is bad is that also the handyman is like her nephew.. I cannot deal with her and I did explain to the man what my illness are and that I cannot help my yelling however the good news is I havent yelled in almost two weeks instead of yelling i just whisper what I want to say when I get angry. I think I know what may have happened well since the mail didnt say return to sender it was just given to me i think the mail man might have gotten messed up he has done that before but as you know we are not perferct.He put like my apt no next to there addy so i think he got confused geez I hope.. Bad news my doctor never called back for some reason they don't want to help me with this,all I asked for was a short note just saying my yelling is part of my illness ugh sometimes the doctors around here could care less all they see is dollar signs...
  14. Okay so I sent in my rent money it was sent back to me.I have a feeling they are evicting me this is just plan bs.Why because I have a yelling problem,so I emailed the senior center coordinator and called my doctor just for a letter and I also told them they need for my land lady to stay away from me ,i am crying writing this .I am feel so depressed and anxious as it is now well actually having a panic attacks,Ok first of all from what I read they cannot throw you out if you are disabled further that witch has no business coming inside my apt asking me about my physical and mental state.That is the law the land person has no right to come into someones apt.unless it is an emergency and she worms her way in here all of the time. I cannot move ,why because i got nowhere to go,Clearly a mental illness is not accepted where I live.. That my friends is discrimination. I asked my son for help too.Gosh i am at my wits end. Frankly I am scared.I mean why would they even bother to inspect my place last week or tell me to shut the windows .I am crying shaking like a leaf.. I need help in the worse way..
  15. xmascarol25

    Phobia of cats.

    I use to have a big fear of cats but not anymore since I had my late brothers cat to catch a little mouse who I saw run clear across my living room in my trailer .Try to picture this I was pregnant at the time and I jumped up on kitchen table and scream,so now cats are my friend,However my biggest animal fear is snakes I cannot even look at one on tv or anything because I get sick to my stomach then I cry because it is so bad,it doesn't help matters any either when you have bad nightmares about them.Years ago I saw chasing a little bird and I jumped on the picnic table my neighbor heard me scream he checked out the area it went and crawled underneath my house,I was so afraid it would get inside,oh that poor little bird this was no small snake about four ft and inch one is to big for me.They make my stomach crawl. Oh by the way what is fear of snakes .I even hate to type that word uck