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medjuggler

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About medjuggler

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  1. I see ANY/ALL others in a chat room a huge 'hurdle' or challenge. Especially common attenders. Everyone seems to know each other (they probably do). I dont mean its hard to say say hi. I simply mean that staying the chatroom itself seems impossible. I see almost anyone chatting to others and acknowledging each other an obstacle. And if people are having a good chat I must leave. For me, attempting to chat online is twice as hard as in the non-cyber world and face to face. I sometimes like to just just watch the convos and see 'how it works'. But I leave after a short while incase I appear wierd or make others uncomfortable by not talking. And when people say hi or welcome how are you? I'm a gonner. I'm kinda the opposite than many when talking to others. Officials for example. I can really push a doctor with ease. Anyone in an official place in fact. They are predictable. We are not socializing. Its my turn and they are serving ME! They could even loose their job should they step out of line (trust me). Yet driving is another impossibility for me. I've known people with seemingly worse social phobia then myself sit in a car and quite comfortably drive. I cannot see how they aren't scared sh**less of the other road users. Ive tried driving and had to get out the car on a fairly busy road due to a panic attack. Yet these others I know, people who cannot even make eye contact with a checkout assistant in a shopping mall seem quite comfortable driving. Cant get my head round it. My meds haven't been helping lately. Constantantly depressed and I never go out. Thank heavens its bedtime i can knock myself out aaahh...