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Caz

All about me

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Okay I want to tell you about me a little so some of you understand me better.

I suffer from depression and a little anxiety, but guess there's more to it than that.

Ever since I was little all I remember is being let down and hurt, mostly with friends, always being left on my own and people judging me for who I am inside and how I look on the outside, because I wasn't exactly a skinny child. I guess it wasn't so bad in junior school but was terrible in the comprehensive stage. I was stuck between two groups of so called friends, one who seemed to accept me, but still I didn't feel comfy, the other group constantly judging me specially seen as one of the girls didn't like me. So either way I didn't fit in very well, but I had my best friend, oh yes only until the day I we left then that was a fail too, another heartbreak.

So then was time for college, was scared stiff like anyone else but I knew someone in my class so I thought it would be okay. Nope I wasn't he girl I knew told me she had been raped before we started college so she was trying to deal with that and leant on me a lot, which I didn't mind but I guess that hurt me and I think that was the start of it all. She found a guy to lean on as well which in a way damaged them because I knew deep down she was still very much hurting and all happened too fast. I tried to tell her what was wrong with me but as soon as I had told her she carried on talking about her guy so I just said forget it and that was the last I heard. She didn't care not at all I had put my faith and trust in someone else, and got let down again, I guess I kinda met this guy that we were all friends with, went to the cinema with him, he kissed me, told me he had been kissing his best friend night before, so well that was that. I told him I couldn't do it, then I found out afterwards that he had said I had made him depressed. Not a care for how I felt. So that was it I couldn't do it no more I got so bad I thought about self harm, even tried it but erm I regretted it from the second I did.

This is all I'm going to write for now, I will do more, just I need a break :)

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Hey Caz, I'm glad that you feel safe enough to open to us, good job. Sorry to hear about your childhood. I know how it is to feel like youre not accepted by a group of peers, it can greatly affect your confidence. Also about being judged for who you are, and your appearance, it can be very rough when youre young to go through that kind of criticization. I'm sorry that you had to go through that and that it affects you even now.

College is a scary time for everyone, but I think it is definitely much scarier for people with social anxiety and shyness, so I can definitely relate to how you felt going through that. I'm sure your friend leaning on you so much was stressful at times and it just sucks so bad that she wasnt there for you when you needed her. I'm sure it hurt that she cared more about her problems with her boyfriend than your friendship, being the third wheel really sucks. As far as the guy who kissed you, its his loss, but I'm sure it still hurt. I'll wait for the rest, but until then take care- Allen

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Caz,

well done for opening up and sharing hun. If you want too, you can also make a blog so that way you can look back at things you have shared easily :) Don't have to of course, just an idea. I am having issues thinking atm, but I know what it is like to be hurt. It is hard especially when you get vulnerable to trust. The key in my opinion, to discover the self worth within yourself first. That can take time and patience. As you have seen I'm still doing that myself and I don't have a whole lot of patience :)

Keep up the good work hun :)

Love ya

Kuno

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Hi Caz

I too would like to congradulate you on opening up and sharing your story with the the rest of us, Also I'd like to mention the blog section as did Kuno, not saying it's necassarry for you to right one but it may be worth your time to go in and read what some of us have written about ourselves so that you have a better feeling about what you can safely say. I've revealed things already that I'd thought would be best kept secret and not only found relief from clearing my head but got a wonderful added bonus of support and encouragement from my friends here at Phobics, Just take it at ur own speed ,post when you want Or not, but either way don't forget were here to help you.

.....luv ya....Pog

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