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LLaura

About to call it quits

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Feel free to delete this post if you think it will go against the site but I've about had enough.. of a lot of things.

I'm tired of too many ppl here seeming to be "fair weather friends" and only willing to talk to me when I have something positive or helpful to say to them, even if its faked, which I do often and yes i get many appreciative people telling me how much I've helped them or at least they appreciated my empathy of their situation.

But I come into chat needing someone to talk real with and it's happened one too many times when i get talked over and talked around by people that would rather talk about coats or other such bs talk and I get left alone and soon forgotten about because I'm not appealing to them and being "nice". Since when did this become a place of requiring being nice and having to down right beg for someone to get support? And truly, I do understand there are many here with their own struggles and are having a hard time being able to help themselves, much less anyone else. I get like that myself sometimes (believe it or not). But there are often many in chat that are just typing away about this and that with so much random off topic convo that it becomes futile for anyone to try and break into it with their more serious needs. It's those people that I'm addressing here. You wanna stay in main room, then you have to be willing to STOP all the random talk if someone starts talking about something serious. period. And don't move onto other or more off topic convo till ur sure they are ok or being taken care of.

And I'm not just talking of myself here, I've seen it time and time again with others, new and established and OPs alike.

It's been suggested to me..by a few.. that I or the person in need has to be more assertive, be more persistent about it. But I ask you this: When you are feeling your worst, feeling a lot of anxiety/depression, etc... how assertive are you able to be and just how much energy do you have for putting into the amount of persistence required here?

I make suggestions for how to remedy this... that either get ignored or turns into an argument. I try to fight for those that come in for support and get ignored, then I get blasted for it, being told I need to lighten up or that I don't understand people's needs to "lighten up" and not talk serious all the time. I get told that if I myself see a person needing to talk serious I should just take them into PM and talk to them, and why stop the whole room for it.

On and on it goes. Lately I've basically quit making attempts (much to everyone's delight I'm sure) and I just go hide out in trivia room with my own contempt of the whole situation and my own need to talk for myself quietly stuffed back into my own head.

Currently the talk in main is about star wars and various papers written while in college..before that it was weight loss. Do i dare break into that and see if anyone needs to talk or needs support and risk yet again being blasted or someone taking personal offense and guilty like they've just been scolded and sent to their room (when all i ever do is tell people to go to lounge with it, NEVER telling them to just stop talking!!!)

Yeh I'm going through a lot myself right now in my own head, my own life... more than probably your average person could tolerate living with, but it seems in this chat, I guess because of my many words of wisdom and help to others, I'm not seen as someone that has real issues, real struggles, real conflicts and I should be able to just manage since I seem to know so much about this stuff and how to deal with it. My words of my own struggles in chat don't seem to be taken with any real interest or thought.... simply put, nobody knows what to say to me or any real advise. And I can accept that. I'm not here for advise. I already know what I need to do and how I need to do it. But simply some words of encouragement and support from more than the small handful of people here that do would be nice.

But to try and reach out in here and be talked over with "lighter conversation" is just a slap in the face. I guess until it happens to you, you can't really appreciate what I'm saying here and are probably (if you've bothered to read this far) getting pretty angry and thinking some pretty hateful things about me right now for "whining" about this or not just "getting over it already".

No, really I'm fine with that. The whole "until you've walked a mile in my shoes...." thing. I get that. Not trying to force anyone to do anything... not anymore, anyway. I just see this as a trend here. The whole "precedence" rule being posted and continued on, and yet little if any enforcement, especially for those deemed "one's to know better and seem to already have all the answers" anyway.

Anyhow... ending this here because I don't want it to be seen as yet another endless rant from me, and therefore since it's a "rant" it means it's a temporary thing, ya know.. just me being moody and "in a bad mood" right now.... so just give me time and "it will pass", and we can all go back to business as usual.

Or maybe this is just me on a rant and will soon pass and I'm "just being silly" here and should just "let it go" and "not be so serious". As I said, delete this whole thing dino or whoever if I'm out of line here. But at least then i'll know how it's gonna be here, one way or the other.

LLaura

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Actually, I agree with you. There are times when i just don't have it in me to talk to the person and just sit and read, and i don't mind talking about different things, however when there is a person in the room entering, asking for help and the whole room is keeping on like they don't exist (again i don't always have it in me to talk to them) it's kind of...well..

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I am writing this knowing full well that this comment of mine might be removed, and that i may end up being banned from the forums.

It's happened before for me expressing my views, and I'm sure that it's only a matter of time before it happens again. I have found that if a persons views are in conflict with the site owners then they are very quick to silence/remove/ban those comments and commenter at their own whim.

Now on with my reply...

You are the second OP that i have heard this from (technically, probably the 4th). The other Ops can remain anonymous or speak up, it is their decision. I have heard this complaint too many times from other users, and it doesn't matter how many times I mention it - it seems my voice goes no where or i am told that it is none of my business and that people can talk for themselves. Well actually they cant because if an Op is having trouble being heard then a user stands no chance. I advocate on those users behalves because they feel that they can not do it for themselves, but they still tell me about it. ... and that's when i get it thrown in my face.

I have had to come in and tell people to shut up and 'take it to lounge' because a person in major need was being ignored. I have then been told to lighten up, get over it, shut up, or worse, but that is okay, I can take it.

I have even been told by Ops not to do their job for them, and then had the same Ops make the comment that they cant be there 100% of the time and will miss some things said. I understand that, but my reply is either be there as an Op or step down to 'user' level if you cannot pay full attention at that time, even if that stepping down is only for a twenty minute break. Seeing an Op step up is a great way of showing that the place is being moderated and someone is at the helm.

Really I can see only two ways of dealing with being ignored and that is to be more assertive (ie, BOLD and UNDERLINED text), or step down and let the owners actually run the place. That is something I would like to see.

I dont bother saying hello to Dolphin because when she comes in I know that if i wait 30 seconds i will see a 'hello' script run. Really, why bother logging in if you arent going to be present and moderate. The text is all logged anyway so there is no point, and the perceived authority of a silent moderator is completely useless.

If it was me, i would either fully step up and start being harder on people to move the conversation to the #Lounge (as they can be in both channels anyway), or fully step down and let someone else take over. If your help is not being reciprocated, then why bother?

Perhaps PhobicsBots comment could be changed to a reminder that #Main is for help and #Lounge is for general banter. But, hey that's a suggestion that requires change, and I know how far that goes.

I know that I have said this before because i am referring to the channels by their old names.

A long text for a short and simple answer - but i was throwing my view in as well.

Anything else I have to say would just be ramble or repeated words, so i will leave it at that.

-gavin

*edited because i still cant spell.

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Laura and Gavin

Firstly I have no intention of deleting your posts or banning anyone from here but and this is a huge BUT I take offence when a members name is brought up in a post to be belittled, for starters Gavin incase your not aware Dolphin actually co owns the chat room so I would say she has every god dam right to have her nik there 24 hours a day

Ilaura I can only apologize for how badly let down you feel you have been treated In chat. I know from experience how you feel as I'm sure a few others here do also

I popped into chat a few evenings ago not as an op, but as a regular member to have a bit of a chat and to run a couple of HA questions by members.

Once I actually viewed the subjects being discussed,relationship issues once again sigh !!!

I then lost all interest in discussing anything related to anxiety.

Now this lead me to think about being in the position of a new member coming to the room for reassurance about the way he/she maybe feeling, and quite frankly, if I was that new member, going by what I seen I would have left chat and probably never went back.

Oh don't get me wrong I'm no angel and I'm first to admit I can go off topic and at times fool around as we all can but I always stop to welcome newbies , I always ask a person that has been quiet for a long time if there ok

Now we know the rules, and yes, rules are not exactly being broken, but all I ask is for chat users to think about others, and just think about what topics they are discussing.

I know people become good friends in chat, and meet there most nights, and there is nothing wrong with that, it's a good thing, but please welcome other users too, and just be a bit more sensitive when a new name comes in, or a member is quite for a period of time. They may want to put a question to the room, but feel a little intimidated to do so.

Think about the actual subject you are discussing, and if its appropriate. Put yourself in the shoes of a new member for a moment, would you feel comfortable with the conversation you are reading if you entered the room in a state of anxiety looking for help?

People with op status are there to keep the room safe and have the ability to remove people from chat when rules aren't being followed.

We all know Joking and laughing are important parts of recovery.but If someone enters the room and wants to talk about painful issues, joking must be put on hold while the person in crisis is being helped. If you do not want to participate, please use the lounge chat or another chat room to talk until the person needing help is done. It is both rude and inconsiderate to laugh and joke while someone else is talking about disturbing issues.

Many thanks,

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I can say that when I first came to this chat some time ago, i was pretty miserable. And, for me, it was the off-topics and the people who were having a bit of fun in main that kept me coming back. Sure you had to walk around a few busted couches and dodge some flying trout, but this was a place where everyone understood how i felt. All this was at a time when I had had enough of doctors and therapists, i needed friends. Not only did those people provide friendship and many nights of entertainment, listening to them gave me hope that things can get better.

Now, i don't know how many years later, i'm not "cured", but i am a hell of a lot better than i was. And i owe a big part of that to those people who helped make main fun and not one big therapy session. :D

just my two cents.

Michael

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Hi Michael

Just want to say i am in total agreement with your post couldn't of put it better myself :)

Hope you are well

ps:welcome-2.gif to the forum

love dino

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