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I would like to find support to find myself again. Somewhere. Outside my comfort zone lies the answer to my madness . 

I am a bundle of panic attacks, refuse to leave my house, depressed and don't want to live like this anymore. Looking for Hope. Understanding and Guidance. 

P-Meds have not been a help, can't get passed the side effects.

I would sure appreciate any words of wisdom, from those who  can relate to my post . 

 

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Hi and welcome I fully understand how you feel, because I feel the exact same way.Right now I am in such a  deep depression I don't know how to snap out of it. I have tried doing things but nothing seems to be working it just seems like one bad thing after another is happening to me. Doesn't it always seem to be that way though? Meaning when you don't feel well it seems like everything goes wrong. I hate even getting up in the morning I even find myself going to bed around 8 or 9 at night so I dont have to deal with things .I hate living like this.my family is of no help.They don't want to even know when I am not feeling well. I fee like shooting myself at times but I won't because I don't even have a gun.I have had thoughts of killing myself and how I  would do it but they are just intrusive thinking.I hate this miserable disorder,anxieties panic,with me  I also have depression,bipolar a mood disorder,and agoraphobia.So it is hard for me to even go out anywhere and some people just don't listen when you tell them that you cannot go out anywhere,it is not fair that we have to suffer like this.Sometimes what helps me some but not much is visual therapy like with me I try to vision a nice beach with me walking through the water or just sitting on the beach watching the waves roll in or just the boats .oh yes the sun setting and rising is so beautiful to it won't get rid of the depression but it takes you away for a little while.I wish I could go to the beach.Maybe you can think of something that you really like or enjoy invision it ,I can't  say for sure if it will help.Just wish they could bottle something that would work for us.I know it gets to be very frustrating especially when all you want to do is sleep all day,With me that is the only time I am not depressed or anxious .However you can have what they call anxiety dreams . Ugh when will this all stop? I have had it for over 30 years now.. Sorry so long but I hope I could help you some.Just know we are here for you always. Unless my computer breaks ugh on that.My name is Carol if you need to  talk go right ahead.I am here for you.

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Thank you Carol for replying to my post. My name is Cindy. I find some comfort in knowing I am not the only person in the world that feels like fear rules their life.

Sometimes I feel like just banging my head against the wall! Perhaps that will fix what is wrong with my brain. Silly I know but I just don't want to be like this anymore.

I get up each day and look outside and it looks so scary to me. I get so angry at myself for seeing the outside world as someplace I can't go. 

I use to be such a strong person. Raised 3 kids on my own, struggled to provide of course but always managed to figure it out. 

My family doesn't understand how I feel either. It's very frustrating that they just ignore what I have become.

 

I have thought about admitting myself to a mental hospital but it always come back to how I can't force myself to leave the house. 

I feel so hollow inside, like I'm just taking up space in this world. Wonder if you feel that way too? 

Again. Thanks so much for reaching out. Feel free to lean on me also. The days are terribly long in my world and I don't sleep much. 

Peace be with you.

 

 

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Hi  Cindy so very nice to meet you. Oh yes I do feel like why am I even here.What is the point.My dad just passed away this year ON the 30th of July ugh and I just cannot seem to get over it,I mean why couldn't it be me.I hate my life,I get mad at myself because I feel like it is my fault for having this awful illness.I don't like being alone yet at the same time when someone just sets foot in my apt I get all worked up. I feel like they are spying on me well around here in a way they are.. Why can't some people understand that there are just some things we can't do like go out?? I mean going to my doctors is such a huge task for me and the doctors here just don't get it i have to come in to see them,now unless I can put a motor and a steering wheel on my walker i just can't make it there at all sometimes the fear gets to be so bad I don't want to even open my doors,So I am forced to go in to see them otherwise I cannot get my meds.It isn't fair is it? We didn't asks to be like this.Here is a big hug for you.I hope it is okay.Hug. I hope it is ok I mean some people dont like hugs and I don't want to upset you in any way.Sometimes I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up.It is just awful living in fear every single day from the time you get up till the time we go to bed.Sometimes I sleep just to take away the boredom .or pain.I wish you well and feel free to talk to me anytime.

abear.JPG

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Hi cindy 

Firstly a huge welcome to phobia support

Secondly i am so sorry to read of your problems 

l also have been on many medications  but none seemed to work

I also cannot go out due to debilitating agoraphobia anxiety panic dizziness etc etc 

I like you used to be such a strong person caring for 4 children now my disabled son my husband is his carer and also mine :mellow:

I  also hope you pop into the chat room where hopefully others there can also help you ..

Again a huge welcome-2.gif

love dino

xXx

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I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. I do understand the feeling of (why not me) ....

HUGS right back at you my friend.

I wish I had the courage to even go to dr's spots. I know I need help, but all they do is seem to use me as a Guinea Pig for p-meds. So here I sit another day with the walls closing in.

Sometimes I fear I will just go insane one day and never recover.

Do you ever feel that way?

Thank you Dino for your words of encouragement also. 

It seems I am not alone in this at all. 

Its there a better time than others to try the chat option?

 

 

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Oh my god we are so much alike,many times i feel like I am about ready to crack.I had a nervous breakdown way back in 86 I did spend some time in the hospitals mental illness unit like i think it was 12 days I had to take meds ugh and they stand there to watch you to make sure you took them I hated that so much they made you go to groups to which i absolutely hated,When they closed the door I panicked ,I got so mad one time  i stood up and said they groups were a waste of our time,but even with that said I had to go.Family night was on a Tuesday if I can remember correctly it was a large group we all sat around in a huge circle not very comfy that is for sure.I washed my own clothes there,I swore I would never go back there again,Lucky for me it hasn't happened yet... However sometimes I just totally lose it because i break down and cry I get so confused at times,Do you ever get confused too?Getting up in the morning is just a task for me,is it that way with you too.? I just wish these doctors would get it I get so sick and tired of explaining myself to them and yet it goes out one ear to another.Why won't these doctors listen when we tell them we are to sick to go out and see them,I often wonder what they tell people if they are bed ridden ,do they make them come in.I would hope not.It is ashame that the doctors just don't get it.Give us pills and will all go away,ya sure it will.I have tried the breathing exercises but I can't do it I have a easy gagging reflex,they cant even check my throat without me gagging.It scares me to death.  Sometime I feel like my walls are closing in on me.The whole illness is a mystery to me.WHy us that is what I would like to know. Oh ya thanks about my dad. I miss him which makes my depression worse i miss my husband to he died 12 years ago and I saw him die ugh,I hope i am not scaring you that is not my intention. You know we need to vent it is good that we do oh I know some people look at it as complaining no I don't feel that way,We are venting.Hope you are okay.

It is such a pleasure to talk  to you,love,carol

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