I am so sick over this ,

[xmascarol25 1]

As of tonight my cousin was disconnected  from her life support she passed out yesterday and there is nothing more they can do for her.She was only 63 and I am so very anxious and upset about this.We were the best of friends when we were kids she was even my bridesmaid .I am at a lost I feel so awful about this because I haven't spoken to her in 12 years.Her husband had cancer and this is the second child my aunt has lost. I wish I could be with her but I can't. Why her I mean I am the one who is sick I mean mentally ill. Oh dear lord, I feel like such a failure.I already am missing her. How much more am I suppose to take it hasn't even  been 3 months since my dad died now this. Her brain just wasn't functioning anymore,so why do I feel like that is my fault? I always have a nasty habit of blaming myself when someone else is feeling bad or sick .Does anyone else feel this way. I know I am not to blame.I think ,sorry I talk so much but this is so very upsetting to me I cannot believe she is gone.