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Kunoichi

Social Phobia in the chatroom

4 posts in this topic

Hey guys,

Maybe I'm the only one that feels this way or experiences this but when new people come into chat, I feel really anxious and nervous (and type way too much per usual). When I'm in the chat room, to me its like I am with people actually there. So I get very scared and very sensitive and very insecure when someone new comes in. Also its a people pleaser thing and if the person (I feel or believe) doesn't like me (which obviously not everyone will) it messes with me even more. I have that belief that if everyone doesn't like me (which isn't to say that I'm fake just that I try to help everyone I can) then I'm a bad person or that it means I've done something wrong. I know that isn't how it is and I also know mentally that not everyone is going to like me...just a severe people pleaser I guess and just trying to learn not to be. Anyways, just wanted to know if anyone else gets social phobia even in a online environment? I find it hard even on other sites I belong to. Or maybe I'm just weird.

Love ya all

Kuno

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I don't get it so much in chat, because I am on that everyday, and am in moderated rooms mainly. I go to a WoW chat on QuakeNet as well, and there I am very sensitive, but also somehow I can't help writing something, until now it has been okay, there is even someone in there I like. When I play WoW, I stay by myself, and seing other players I mostly see them as potential harrashers, so I run fast by them lol. But I'm having so much fun playing by myself that the good overweighs the bad.

And Kuno, you shouldn't feel bad about being a pleaser, the opposite person of such a one is much worse. It's a difficult character trait to live with, I know, but I think you will get stronger by experience. I've witnessed you stand up for yourself in chat, and that is a good thing, very admirable, and one should be able to do that without having to fight the opponent :)

You are definitely not weird. Its "just" the way your emotions are at present due to your past.

*Hugs* from Ygg

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Hey Ygg, (Hugs) back

I know that opposite of a pleaser is someone with complete apathy, however I do believe there is a balance. Having lost that balance (and being a codependent in recovery to boot) I think its a little of why I'm having trouble in chat room or any chat. That and I spend about every waking moment there, which may be part of the problem. It would be like spending 10 hours a day in a group therapy room with obviously no therapist. In a way, not that this is bad but for me at least, it leaves me more "allowance" room to not push myself in other ways. See my "leaving chatroom for a bit" thread which I am hoping will get me back on the right balancing that I need. Has nothing to do with anyone but me so yeah.

Also I think too when I was housebound for a year, I spent 12 to 16 hours on Chat. I would never leave. Because for me, it's the only contact I had to the outside world. While the circumstances, situations, emotional mindset and everything else was what it was at the time, i'm in no way blaming chat for this, but i think in my own skewed mind I feel like its a room full of people right there with me, versus people that are not next to me. I don't know if that makes any sense other than to perhaps sound a bit delusional or perhaps I am just overly sensitive (not that that is new either) but anyways, thank you for the allowance Ygg to remind me that my feelings are my feelings. Neither wrong or right, just valid.

*hugs to you atilla*

Kuno

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I see ANY/ALL others in a chat room a huge 'hurdle' or challenge. Especially common attenders. Everyone seems to know each other (they probably do). I dont mean its hard to say say hi. I simply mean that staying the chatroom itself seems impossible. I see almost anyone chatting to others and acknowledging each other an obstacle. And if people are having a good chat I must leave. For me, attempting to chat online is twice as hard as in the non-cyber world and face to face.

I sometimes like to just just watch the convos and see 'how it works'. But I leave after a short while incase I appear wierd or make others uncomfortable by not talking. And when people say hi or welcome how are you? I'm a gonner. I'm kinda the opposite than many when talking to others. Officials for example. I can really push a doctor with ease. Anyone in an official place in fact. They are predictable. We are not socializing. Its my turn and they are serving ME! ;) They could even loose their job should they step out of line (trust me).

Yet driving is another impossibility for me. I've known people with seemingly worse social phobia then myself sit in a car and quite comfortably drive. I cannot see how they aren't scared sh**less of the other road users. Ive tried driving and had to get out the car on a fairly busy road due to a panic attack. Yet these others I know, people who cannot even make eye contact with a checkout assistant in a shopping mall seem quite comfortable driving. Cant get my head round it.

My meds haven't been helping lately. Constantantly depressed and I never go out. Thank heavens its bedtime i can knock myself out aaahh...

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